I Can’t Change It
What I Can and Can’t Change
I have a coffee mug with the logo of my favorite NFL team. I must use it for my coffee when they have a game, or they will lose. I can also help my team win by yelling at the TV and a player who blows a play so that he does a better job for the rest of the game. I know that for a fact.
Yes – that was sarcasm.
I can root for my team and then enjoy dinner with someone who roots for the other team. All over the country, there are families with “mixed marriages” where differences are discussed with raised voices and humor. Duke-North Carolina, Auburn–Alabama, Michigan – Ohio State, and even Yankees – Red Sox.
We are entering a period where many people are interested in keeping your emotions high to meet their goals. They have managed to make the environment so that relationships in families, friendships, and other groups are breaking apart. I am, of course, talking about the Red and Blue teams in politics.
We are having a problem understanding each other in a way that keeps things civil. I want to suggest the work of Professor Jonathan Haidt. (pronounced “height”) He studied why people express their morality in different ways. He prepared a wonderful TED talk and wrote an excellent book called The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion. His work is an excellent starting place if you want to understand those who differ with you to help smooth conversations.
I found Haidt’s work helpful in “de-demonizing” the other side.” But that leaves a significant question. How and why have we gotten so bitter about our politics? If we assume someone benefits from it, who is it, and how did they do it?
We have an obligation, as citizens, to stay informed about what is happening so we can make an informed decision when we vote. We are asked to vote for candidates and help decide bond and constitutional questions. These questions can be settled with no change in our blood pressure.
Two groups lose if passion can’t be generated. Keeping our emotions high about their concerns is not in our interests. There is, in fact, very little we can do about political offices once election day is over. It is essential and helpful for us to understand that their goals and purposes need not be ours.
Those who need customers
We need to be clear on how various organizations and their people view us. Let’s start with all forms of media. Most of what we watch or use (TV, radio, newspapers, magazines, internet, email, etc.) has advertising, or those like NPR and PBS that depend on contributions. They have detailed information on the number, ages, and types of subscribers, viewers, clickers, and email account holders.
The reason is simple. You are not the end-point customer. You are a product. You are part of the number used to convince advertisers to spend money to reach their audience to get those customers to buy something, vote for somebody, travel somewhere, or do something else. They have one problem. How do they get you to come back the next time?
There is a hint if you listen to the teaser for the late-night news on your local TV station. Your emotions and curiosity are a hook. There is always a problem or mystery or drama of some sort. You must come back for “details at 11.” Bad news and disasters are good ratings news for news media or weather channels.
It is the height of hypocrisy when anyone who works in the media complains about the cost of political campaigns. The most considerable expense in a campaign is media advertising money. I wrote this on election day in the “swing state” of North Carolina. The ads have been endless.
I am almost 80 years old. Sixty years ago, I was a political science major and wrote for the college newspaper. I cast my first presidential ballot for Hubert Humphrey and thought the world’s prestigious newspapers, magazines, and wire services were pure gold in terms of accuracy in journalism. In the last several decades, I have lost faith in every one of the sources I once respected. Many of these publications have openly renounced objectivity as a goal, and, at times, civility seems missing.
If you want to live in a world of emotion and have your opinions confirmed, you can look for a media source that only hits those buttons that make you comfortable. But it is difficult and, at times, frankly unpleasant to travel through the variety of publications needed to get a balanced view. Failing that, please understand that your neighbors, even your relatives, may choose different sources to keep them comfortable. When you frequently read multiple sources, you can “choose your facts” and realize neither side is always accurate.
Politicians and the advisers
Our political leaders have one overriding problem, which impacts how they view and address us. Thomas Sowell of Stanford’s Hoover Institution states things directly.
No one will really understand politics until they understand that politicians are not trying to solve our problems. They are trying to solve their own problems - of which getting elected and re-elected are number one and number two. Whatever is number three is far behind.
Their first goal is to make sure their supporters vote. To do that, they can either generate enthusiasm for their candidacy or fear and anger about their opponent’s campaign. Bored and indifferent citizens may stay home. You lose if they might have voted for you and you didn’t get to their emotions.
They can also try to keep emotions up if there is a post-election controversy. I recall that happening in the 2000 Bush-Gore election. They may want emails, letters, and phone calls. You can provide that calmly and without profanity.
Now What
I am writing this while the polls remain open on Election Day, 2024. There is every possibility that many players will try to keep our emotions and blood pressure up for quite a while to serve the purposes described above.
If you have a technique to relax or escape, great. If you want to try a simple one. I offer something that is easy in concept but has a famous history. I was in a theater group as a child. Our teacher had a child’s version of the famous “Method Acting.” Another version is known today as CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
She taught the idea to young children using one simple phrase. If you “think the thought” of the person you are pretending to be, you can act like that person. If you want to act like a calm person who is not upset by what is happening around you, think like that person. Of course, one thought might be, “I think I’ll turn the news off.”
What happens now is up to us. Tension, anger, gloating, upset, or peace. I am reminded of the song that starts and ends with hope and the way to get there: